QISE Review - Winter Edition - Day 7

Finishing up week one…

• It’s difficult to generate gravitas in a brand new sport like Slopestyle. “This is the first time we’ve seen this move in the history of this competition!!” You mean since the last commercial when you introduced the event?
• The Peacock did a masterful job milking every drop of melodrama out of Evgani Plushenko’s abrupt withdrawal from Men’s Figure Skating. Showing him warming up, then a package about how much pressure was on him, then back to the ice and seeing him grimace. Plushenko cooperated by waiting until the last second to drop out. It’s amazing what you can manufacture with a 12 hour tape delay.
• Speaking of Figure Skating—Tom Hammond reminds me of old style newsreel announcers. His response when Jason Brown got up after a crash then completed his performance—“The fans appreciate his moxie!” Oh, and a hearty 23-skidoo to you!
• What’s the difference between Slopestyle and Aerials?  Aerials only has a single jump, so the rotation in the air has to be very impressive. It’s really more like diving in the summer games, with rigid rules and scoring.
• As prime time begins—Meredith Vieira, you’re up at the Fortress! Lauer is pulled after doing double duty in the morning and evening—good effort. Costas is still listed as day to day.
• NBC lucks out with a ready-made “adversity to victory” story from US Skeleton racer Noelle Pikus-Pace. Wife and mother, rising star, injured in freak accident, fights her way back, retires, then comes back again to get the silver. You couldn’t write this stuff.
• You know that NBC is worried they are losing viewers when you see “<more exciting event> in 7 minutes” at the corner of the screen.

More to come.

QISE Review - Winter Edition - Day 6

I missed taping the afternoon show, so this will be an abbreviated post.

• Tina Maze, co-winner of the gold in Downhill Skiing, is the #1 celebrity in her home country of Slovenia. She’s a pop star and model—imagine Beyonce was also a QISE gold medalist.
• Lauer in the anchor chair at the Fortress yet again—Costas, where art thou?
• With bright colors and skin tight design, speed skating uniforms are more like futuristic superhero costumes
• I have been very disappointed in the Peacock’s graphics package—it’s basically the same stuff from the last two or three games. Step it up, NBC!
• If you think Luge is too boring, try Skeleton—riding on your stomach, face first. The races are so fast, the commentators barely have time to go over each athlete’s backstory.
• “Slopestyle”? C’mon, International QISE Committee--just rename the entire event the X-QISE and be done with it.

More to come.

QISE Review - Winter Edition - Day 5

Catching up from last night—

• The commentator referred to the condition of the Halfpipe as “Slushy Flatbottom”. That was the name of my bluegrass band in college!
• What’s that sound, Shaun White? That’s the sound of your endorsements being cancelled.

Moving onto today’s coverage—

• The afternoon show covered Nordic Combined, which involves ski jumping and cross country skiing. The International QISE Committee seems to like combining existing sports, rather than coming up with new ones.
• May I suggest “Jumpstyle”—ski jumping with EXTREME tricks. Considering how long they are in the air, you could soon hear this commentary: “He’s going to try the “3960 Button-fly McFlurry—that’s 11 complete rotations—and he’s done it!!”
• During a ski jump, a commentator noted that the suit is supposed to fit tightly to avoid getting an aerodynamic advantage, and saw an issue with one of the skiers—“his crotch, frankly, seemed pretty low”. Don’t take that statement out of context, please.
• Most embarrassing event in QISE so far? Afternoon host Lester Holt comparing dance moves with US Luger Kate Hansen. It’s like your drunk uncle at a wedding.
• Lauer continued hosting prime time at the Fortress of Solitude. Meh.
• We’re seeing a trend of “old timers” trying to extend their careers and failing—namely, Shaun White and Shani Davis. It’s also a loss to the Peacock, as they miss two opportunities to push a storyline.
• Best QISE commercial so far—“Time to take a Charmin break”, which consisted of a Zamboni running over an ice rink and a 60 second countdown. Classy!

More to come.

QISE Review - Winter Edition - Day 4

The Today show managed to squeeze a non-spoiler into their 4 hour show—Costas is being pulled tonight from prime time coverage due to his eye infection, and Matt Lauer is coming in to relieve him.  On to the games!

• We have another new sport—“Ski Slopestyle”. Seems like a mouthful. Since the International QISE Committee is making up names anyway, how about “skistyle”? You’re welcome.
• Speaking of mouthful—the luge track is called the “Sanki Sliding Center” (technically, it’s Sliding Center Sanki). I hope no one involving is selling seashells by the seashore...
• So, Lauer stepped into the anchor chair at the Fortress of Solitude as prime time began. He doesn’t have Costas’ gravitas, and is better suited to morning happy talk.
• The short program for figure skating were originally based on very specific patterns—everyone did the same moves in the same way. As TV networks gained more control over QISE, that went out the window—now we just see short performances that look a lot like their final (longer) programs.
• The sub-tropical location of Sochi is—shockingly—creating issues with the snow. The Halfpipe is a prime example—it’s hard to “shred” in slush.
• The Peacock is doing a lame attempt at synergy with the Sochi QISE and the upcoming Captain America movie (which has the subtitle “The Winter Soldier”).  It really doesn’t work.

More to come.

QISE Review - Winter Edition - Day 3

We start out bright and early….

• ...when Matt Lauer broke the self-imposed Peacock rule—No Spoilers.
• He announced that Julia Mancuso was the winner of an event within the first 10 seconds of the Today show, 14 hours before the event would actually be broadcast. Thanks NBC—I can skip watching that tonight.
• Luge is a sport where you do 99% of the work at the start, and the rest is basically gravity. It’s the Pinewood Derby of winter sports.
• Mogul Skiing is the preferred sport for chiropractors. I would think that athletes in this sport are in wheelchairs by age 40.
• You know curling is boring when they spend more time on the wacky pants the “athletes” wear than the actual competition.
• Mogul skier Alex Bilodeau has a readymade “up close and personal story” designed to tear at the heartstrings—a brother with cerebral palsy—who ends up winning Canada’s first gold medal in Vancouver.
• Short track skating, especially at the longer distances, looks ridiculous. They all skate like senior citizens until the very end of the race, when it’s a frantic dash for the finish. Apollo Anton Ohno does a good job in front of the mike, though.

 More to come.

QISE Review - Winter Edition - Day 2

The first Sunday of the games…

• We begin with more of the “skiathlon” (silly name). There’s a point in the race where the athletes swap their skis—it’s rather like a pit stop in auto racing, and the announcers treat it as such.
• It’s been interesting to watch Hannah Kearney’s evolving response after winning what the Simpsons referred to as “shameful bronze”. She was clearly devastated when it happened (she was the reigning champion), but now she’s much more grateful. Did the QISE Committee reach out and warn her not to be such a downer?
• Costas’ eye isn’t looking much better tonight—perhaps some of the Kryptonian knowledge crystals behind him can provide a medical miracle.
• Ski jumping has been refined to the point that an “agony of defeat” moment is looking less unlikely.
• Usually, “local color” packages are rather meh—but Mary Carillo’s work is always interesting and funny. Tonight, she was off to Siberia.
• It used to be that you immediately knew how someone did in a scored event—did they get a 10 or not?  Now, you need the commentators to translate what 129.43 means.

Well, I’m wiped. More tomorrow.

QISE Review - Winter Edition - Day 1

The first “true” day of competition…

• Al Michaels takes over Fortress of Solitude duty for the afternoon
• “Skiathlon"? Really? There must be some ad agency generating random words, and the International QISE Committee creates sports to fit.
• As always, speed skating outfits leave little to the imagination. Sport clothing firms bring in aerospace firms to help reduce friction and drag.
• Biathlon = skiing and shooting = event for secret agents
• As the evening festivities begin, even Costas refers to the main studio as Superman’s icy fortress—called it!
• Ah, Ice Dancing—the red-headed stepchild of the skating world. The bad reputation is the result of a history of rigged judging, which is (supposedly) no longer the case.
• What is the compulsion of the crowd to clap along with the beat of skating music? You know it’s probably throwing off the skaters, right?
• We then go back to Slopestyle, brought to you by Monster Energy Drink and Axe Body Spray—EXTREME! COWABUNGA! C’mon kids—watch the QISE!
• The team figure skating event gives NBC more chances to manufacture the next “America’s Sweetheart” in Ladies’ Skating. Just put together an artsy “up close and personal” segment, add some breathless competition commentary, and you’re set—as long as the athlete comes through.

Tomorrow—the men’s downhill and more team skating.

QISE Review - Winter Edition - Day 0

…and we’re off, starting with a cinematic ode to Mother Russia, and segueing into an overblown introduction to the Winter QISE.

We then cut to the Fortress of Solitude for Costas and his benediction, with a handoff to Lauer, Vieira, and a Russian ringer at the stadium who vamp until the opening ceremonies begin. Oh, and Obama drops by. I guess presiding at major sporting events has become a part of Presidential duties.

Enough with the preliminaries—let the games begin!

• Mindy proclaimed the USA's outfits as “the worst ugly Christmas sweaters ever”
• Ugh—another dreamlike ceremony seen through the eyes of a young girl?  It’s been done.
• The giant snowflakes turning into the QISE rings—oh well, 4 out of 5 ain’t bad
• I’m impressed with the giant video display showing each country’s map during the athletes’ entrance. The futuristic ladies with the countries’ names? Not so much.
• If you’re going to hold an opening ceremony, you’ve got to have giant props and Cirque du Soleil dancers
• Nothing says QISE like dancers dressed as sea anemones
• Hey announcers—maybe you could explain who some of the famous Russians carrying the QISE flag are?
• 3+ hours later—we have a lit cauldron!

 Next—the games begin in earnest.

QISE Review - Winter Edition - Day Negative 1

Why Day Negative 1? Because the opening ceremony is traditionally considered to be QISE Day 0, but events are inexplicably being held the day before.

First off, I heard this morning that Bob Costas is NOT going to anchor the opening ceremony on Friday. Not sure if that’s his call, or he has lost some support from the Peacock. Either way, I’m a bit disappointed, because he’s the only host willing to be sarcastic about it. The rest treat it like a parade, just reading the teleprompter—it’s Hooray for Everything!

Second, let’s get the time delay issue out of the way. Sochi is 9 hours off US eastern time, 12 hours off Pacific time. If you just spent billions getting QISE rights, as the Peacock did, would you show the marquis events live in the morning? If course not. If you can’t wait (and you happen to have cable or satellite), and don’t have a job, you can see most everything live on their website.

On to the evening’s festivities:

• Is Costas in the Peacock studio, or the Fortress of Solitude?  Got a lot of glass and crystal going on here, not the normal faux-ski chalet look. I’m expecting Marlon Brando in day-glow white to drop by any minute.
• The inclusion of “Slopestyle” (which my spellchecker wanted to name “slop style”) makes it clear that the International QISE Committee is going to imitate the X-Games anywhere they can. It’s EXTREEEMMME! It’s also very dangerous, to the point where changes were made to the course at the last minute.
• I noticed Sochi’s slogan on the ski course—“Hot. Cool. Yours.” What does it mean? I have no idea—I think something is lost in translation.
• I’m glad (and a little surprised) that the anti-gay issues in Russia were mentioned, if only briefly.
• The new “Team Figure Skating” competition is like Hamburger Helper—a way to spread out a popular (and highly rated) event further.

Coming up next—the hysteria of the opening ceremony...

Quadrennial International Sporting Event (QISE) Review - Winter Edition

For the next two a a half weeks, I will once again cover the Quadrennial International Sporting Event (don’t want to get sued for using the O-word).

I’m not a big sports fan, but QISE is an exception—not so much for the actual competition, but as a news / media / marketing / merchandizing event. (If you’re interested in the actual results, this is NOT the place to go). The opening/closing ceremonies, the swelling music, the histrionics, the hyperbole, the overblown graphics—that’s my sweet spot. I’ve been glued to QISE coverage since I was a kid.

I’m still a cord-cutter, and I’m not making the mistake I made last QISE to sign up for cable—just the Peacock coverage, along with what I can find online.

We’re already seeing a lot of QISE commercials—not just promos, but athletes hawking various products. The whole concept of amateur athletes has fallen by the wayside. It’s a far cry from Jim Thorpe, who had his medals pulled for making $877 (in today’s dollars) a week playing “professional” baseball in 1909-10, although the International QISE Committee reinstated them posthumously in 1983. Today, it’s estimated that Shaun White is worth $20M.

Tomorrow—the the games begin!

Star Trek DS9: Wrapping Up Season Five

Time travel, the Maquis’ last hurrah, a 90’s-style thriller, a wacky bottle show, and a war begins to finish off the fifth season of DS9.

• It’s “back to the future” in “Children of Time”. Stay with me—the Defiant discovers a planet inhabited by their descendants! The ship will be thrown back in time and crash, leaving the a small settlement that lasts until the 24th century, including a small group of quasi-Klingons who worship Worf. Oh—and the Odo from the settlement declares his love for Kira, who’s going to die due to more technobabble if they don’t escape. It turns out the settlement’s leader (a Dax descendant) wants them to crash, so the settlement will exist. After a lot of speechifying and farming, they decide they can’t kill the settlement, and agree to follow fate and go back in time. However, the flight plan changes, and they escape—due to the older Odo, who wanted Kira to live. The two Odo’s linked, so our Odo knows what happened. Oooooh! 
• The Maquis return (and this time it’s personal) in “Blaze of Glory”. They have sent cloaked missiles to destroy Cardassia, forcing Sisko to get the traitor Eddington to help him. They wind up in a shuttle with a lot a dialogue—we get Sisko doing his OVER E-NUN-CI-A-TION bit as well. A few skirmishes in the Badlands later, they reach the missile launch site—and find the Jem’Hadar and a Maquis massacre. They find some survivors, and Eddington announces there were no missiles—just a final escape plan for his followers. In the end, Eddington sacrifices himself to save the others, but the Maquis is finished.
• There’s technobabble trouble on DS9, so it’s off to identical station “Empok Nor” for parts (a good way to reuse existing sets near the end of the season). O’Brien, Nog, Garak (remember him?), and some metaphorical red shirts enter the other station. I’ll give you two guesses on who survives. Two Cardassians on psychotropic drugs (turning them into killing machines) were left in stasis on the station, and now they’re awake. Two of the redshirts are taken out, but Garak kills one of the soldiers—and takes the drug himself to even the odds. A third red shirt is killed, then the fourth one is attacked—by Garak! The story becomes a cat-and-mouse game. O’Brien uses engineering knowhow to take out Garak, who is then purged of the drug.
• The lead up to a Trek season finale tends to be a “bottle show” (use of existing sets and characters, no special effects) in order to spend more money on the finale, and this season is no exception. “In the Cards” features Jake trying to cheer up Sisko (it appears war is imminent—aren’t they already in a war?) by purchasing an old baseball card at Quark’s auction. Of course, it doesn’t go as planned. Quark is tone deaf about the card—he misses a great opportunity to butter up Sisko. We meet a mad scientist who believes he’s cracked the secret of immortality. Senior officers let Jake walk all over them. There’s a bit about how Earth has abandoned money—while the rest of the galaxy hasn’t. Not sure how that can work. Jake ends up risking his life—all to give his dad a baseball card. Shockingly, the B-story is about a potential non-aggression pact between Bajor and the Dominion. Overall, the episode is too wacky—even for DS9.
• So, onto the season finale—“Call to Arms”. The episode switches back and forth between military drama and soap opera—we get a lot of character moments. The Dominion is massing in the Alpha Quadrant, so the Federation authorizes Sisko to mine the wormhole. Of course, no reinforcements are provided, so DS9 is on its own. Odo and Kira decide to hold off their relationship until the hostilities are over. The Dominion demands the mines be removed, so it’s war. Bajor signs the non-aggression pact after Sisko recommends they do so—the Feds can no longer guarantee their safety otherwise. Meanwhile, Rom and Leeta hold their wedding, just before she leaves as part of an evacuation of the station. Dukat arrives with a huge attack force, and he is reminded by Weyoun that the Dominion is in charge. We get to enjoy a HUGE space battle. Sisko orders that DS9 be abandoned. Dax tells Worf they will marry after the war—she’s off to the Defiant, and he’s off to a Klingon ship. The evacuation is completed, and a secret Sisko program takes out the station’s critical systems before the Cardassians board. SIsko leaves his baseball on his desk—he’ll be back. The final shot is the largest set of Federation and Klingon ships seen onscreen to to this point in Trek history, and the last using any practical (physical) models—everything after this is CGI. 

 Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix. 

Star Trek DS9: Season Five Rolls (Trudges?) On

Odo noir, Quark comedy, Kira drama, and Klingon battles in this batch.

• Odo deals with a dangerous dame in “A Simple Investigation”. This is yet another variant on the “Sam Spade” story—woman seduces the private investigator to get what she wants. The new angle? She has a “data port” on her neck, so she can directly interact with computer systems. She and Odo end up in a physical relationship—including some shape-shifting (ewww!) There’s a minor B-story with Bashir and a holodeck which is frankly more interesting than Odo’s story. 
• Meh—another Quark episode. “Business as Usual” has the desperate Ferengi (remember, he was drummed out of Ferengi society earlier in the season) joining the arms trade as a salesman. The actual transfer of weapons occur offsite—Quark just demonstrates holosuite versions. Steven Berkoff plays the arms kingpin—he’s mostly known for directing and acting in film. He’s also Shatnerian in his overacting here. Movie veteran Lawrence Tierney cameos as an alien regent. In the end, Quark’s conscience finally catches up with him, and he double-crosses the bad guys.
• Kira welcomes an old friend in “Ties of Blood and Water”. He’s Ghemor (Lawrence Pressman), her Cardassian quasi-father from the third season episode “Second Skin”. Unfortunately, he’s dying, and Cardassia (currently under Dominion control) wants him extradited before he can foment any opposition. Ghemor decides to tell Kira her secrets before he dies, so the Federation can use it against their enemy. The episode is all about family, and secrets, and a hospice situation—a rather touching script with impressive performances, if a bit slow.
• Again with Quark! “Ferengi Love Songs” finds Quark beset with a) Rom marrying Leeta and b) Ishka (Quark’s mom) stepping out with the Grand Nagus. Cecily Adams replaced Andrea Martin in the mother role—Martin apparently couldn’t handle the prosthetics. Even for a Ferengi-centric storyline, this is a goofy episode—it's like a Three’s Company script. Also—why would the Ferengi build their homes so people would have to crouch all the time? Makes no sense. There is a cute reference to action figures, though.
• It’s more Klingon mumbo-jumbo in “Soldiers of the Empire”. Worf joins General Martok (who was recently broken out of a Dominion prison) on a Bird-of-Prey to fight the Je’Hadar. Mindy noted that the Dominion “menace” seems to come and go, allowing silly Quark episodes to play out in the middle. Also, it seems like Worf can drop in and out of his role on DS9 whenever he wants—as can Dax, who comes along for the ride. How can two senior officers just drop out of their duties during wartime? 

 Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix. 

Star Trek DS9: Even More of Season Five

Maquis, a galactic battle, and holodoctors in this batch (after we took a multi-month break)--

• Starfleet security officer turned Maquis "terrorist" Michael Eddington is back in "For the Uniform". We also get a new gimmick--the "holo-communicator"--that can bring up a 3D image of the person at the other end of the line. It's like the CNN gimmick, but better. Eddington uses it to lecture Siskp after knocking out the Defiant's systems. Starfleet takes him off the Eddington case--and he's less than happy to say the least. When he gets word of another attack, Sisko takes the damaged Defiant--Nog has to act as a living message courier. Maneuvering is like NASA--everything is manual. Sisko finally plays on Eddington's dreams of being a hero by putting Maquis systems in danger--Eddington surrenders to stop him.
• It's another two-parter, starting with "In Purgatory's Shadow". A coded message from Cardassians in the Gamma Quadrant sends Garak and Worf on a reconnaissance mission--and get thrown in a prison for their trouble. They find Klingon General Martok (remember, he was replaced by a Changeling), Cardassian Enabran Tain (now close to death), and--Bashir?? Turns out he was replaced by a Changeling weeks earlier. We learn that Garak is Tain's son just before he dies--that's why Garak was so loyal to him. Meanwhile, with a Dominion attack imminent, Sisko makes plans to seal the wormhole as a last resort--but the faux-Bashir sabotages their efforts. Scenes with the various couples act as "hamburger helper" to stretch out what otherwise could have been a single episode.
• Part two, "Inferno's Light”--the Casdassian fleet arrives--and pass by the station on their way to Cardassia. Turns out they have allied with the Dominion--Dukat led the negotiations and is now the head of their government! Meanwhile, the Dominion prisoners continue their efforts to escape, while Worf is pulled into an Ultimate FIghting competition--with his life at stake. Garak has to fix some technobabble to save them, despite severe claustrophobia. The Klingon fleet shows up at DS9, with Gowron aka Barney Google leading them. Sisko gets him to agree to work together. Dukat threatens to take over the station. Faux-Bashir does everything but twirl an imaginary mustache, but continues to fool the crew. Worf manages to impress the Jem'Hadar in battle, and Garak fixes the doohickey just in time to beam them back to the runabout, so they can warn DS9 about Faux-Bashir. He's busy about to blow up Bajor's sun, but the Defiant stops him. The whole Dominion attack was a ruse, designed to concentrate all Starfleet forces in one spot and destroy it. Unfortunately, all they did was bring the Federation and the Klingon Empire back together.
• Another Trek doctor drops by in "Doctor Bashir, I Presume"--should I get my sonic screwdriver? The other doctor, Zimmerman, is the template for the holographic doctor on Voyager, already in it's third season by that time. He's dropping by DS9 to offer Bashir the role of the new template. We get some impressive shots of dual Bashirs and Zimmermen as the holodoctors are tested. Bashir, who's normally rather boastful, doesn't want Zimmerman to interview his parents as part of the process. Zimmerman ignores him, and the parents suddenly arrive on the station. Bashir has a dark secret--he's the result of illegal genetic manipulation, which enhanced his intelligence and helped to make him the brilliant doctor he is. His father, who never owned up to anything before in his life, accepts a short prison sentence in order to save Bashir's career. A rather silly episode quickly turned into a serious social commentary. There's a B-story about Leeta and Rom--they finally get together.

 Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix.

Dancing With the Stars Fall 2013 - Our Predictions

We recently reviewed the upcoming DWTS cast and gave our predictions on how they would fare on the "From the Pop Culture Bunker" video podcast. I wanted to get this posted before the season premiere tonight. We'll cover our results and see how we did in a future episode.

	Mark	Mindy
Elizabeth Berkley	3	2
Corbin Blue	1	1
Brant Daugherty	6	11
Bill Engvall	12	12
Valerie Harper	10	10
Keyshawn Johnson	2	4
Chistina Milian	8	8
Bill Nye	7	7
Jack Osbourne	11	5
Snooki	9	9
Leah Remini	4	3
Amber Riley	5	6

Star Trek DS9: More of Season Five

Death and birth in this batch of episodes...

• Odo and Quark's relationship comes to a head in "The Ascent". Odo is taking Quark to a distant planet for a grand jury. Unfortunately, they find a bomb on the runabout, which takes out the ship's systems, forcing them to crash on a savage world. WIth the main distress beacon down, they have to go up a mountain to get a signal out. During the hike, Odo realizes Quark is a witness in the trial, not the defendant. They continue to bicker until they come to blows. Odo's leg is broken during the fight, so Quark drags him up the mountain on a litter, then must go on alone. He succeeds--to Odo's annoyance. The B-Story is all about Nog, who's back on the station for a field study. He and Jake are now roommates--and Nog is now the responsible one. It's a wacky sitcom!
• Emissary Sisko is having bad visions in "Rapture". He somehow manages to find in a Bajoran painting the location of a legendary city after getting zapped in a holosuite. Bajor is about to be accepted into the Federation, but Sisko is missing the hoopla. He's searching for the city--and finds it! He starts to have stabbing headaches, can now read minds, and has more and more visions. His brain activity is killing him--but he won't stop. Kai Wynn helps Sisko through his visions with one of the Orbs. He warns Bajor NOT to join the Federation, then passes out. Jake gives Bashir permission to do the surgery to save him. The visions cease--Sisko is distraught--and Bajor holds off on joining. During all this, Kasidy returns after her prison sentence, and Starfleet sent over new uniforms so they matched the type used on Voyager and the later TNG movies as of this episode.
• Kira's life is in danger due to "The Darkness and the Light". Her old Resistance buddies are getting knocked off one by one--could she be next? Kira gets a mysterious message after each death. She's torn between her duty to Bajor and her role as pregnant mother (remember, she's carrying Keiko's baby), finally charging off to track down the killer. He turns out to be a Cardassian physically scarred during a Resistance attack--and Kira has no remorse about it. There's a whole "Silence of the Lambs" thing going on. We do get a rare transporter accident with grisly results, as well as some new backstory for Kira. There's also a minor B-story with the bickering Klingon/Trill couple.
• It's baby time in "The Begotten". KIra's going into labor, while Odo gets a baby Changeling from Quark (huh?). Bajoran birthing ceremonies are as weird as their other religious events--it involves playing musical instruments to generate a regular rhythm for the baby. Her story ends up being comic relief for the Changeling story. Odo has a long monologue with the "baby"--basically a pile of goo--and becomes quite attached. Odo's old "professor" Dr. Mora (he originally studied Odo) gets involved--to Odo's dismay. There's a great sequence where Odo shows the "baby" various simple shapes to try out. They bicker and play mind games with each other, but team up in the end. Unfortunately, the Changeling baby doesn't survive--but it transfers it's essence to Odo--he's a Changeling again!

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix.

Star Trek DS9: Season Five Continues

In this batch of episodes, the fan favorite for the whole series...

• We start with a Keiko and Miles episode--"The Assignment". She's back from Bajor--and she's been possessed by a evil non corporeal entity! Haven't we seen this MANY TIMES before on Trek? She forces Miles to do her bidding--and not tell anyone what they are doing--or Keiko dies. He has to keep the charade going during his own birthday party, making it even more difficult. Dax discovers the changes to the systems, forcing Miles to implicate Engineer Rom, who was just trying to help. Rom, the idiot savant, figures out the changes to the station will fire a beam that kills the wormhole Prophets. Of course, Miles figures out how to shoot Keiko with it instead--and promotes Rom for his help.
• We move on to the classic episode, "Trials and Tribble-ations". You know--the one where they go back in time and save James T. Kirk from a Klingon agent bent on revenge, done as a tribute for Trek's 30th anniversary? The amazing visual effects--dropping the DS9 cast into existing footage from "The Trouble with Tribbles" and interacting with the TOS cast--is similar to the footage in Forrest Gump.  This wasn't green screen work--they actually rebuilt sections of the original set! In-jokes abound.
  • The "temporal investigators" are reminiscent of Mulder and Scully from The X-Files
  • Kirk's seventeen "temporal violations"
  • The different look of the Klingons, which Worf refuses to discuss
  • Bashir: "I'm a doctor, not a historian"
  • Bringing tribbles back to the 24th century to repopulate the species, just as Kirk did the same with humpback whales
  • The original Arne Darvin, Charlie Brill, reprising his role
• It's a hassle to rewind a show on Netflix, but in this case, it was worth it to watch some scenes twice. One question--Dax has to hide her Trill "spots" before going over to NCC-1701, but she states she "met" McCoy as a previous symbiote. So why hide the spots? Maybe the Trill weren't in the Federation yet, and so couldn't be in Starfleet? In any case--if you haven't seen the episode (or seen it lately), stop reading this and do it now.
• Dax and Worf are having issues in "Let He Who Is Without Sin…". Jadzia talks Worf into going to Risa (the pleasure planet), Worf refuses to get into the spirit of RIsa--he won't change out of his Starfleet uniform. Vanessa Williams (early in her acting career) guest stars as old of Dax's old lovers. Throughout the episode, Worf and Dax bicker over how each is respecting their relationship. Unfortunately, a fundamentalist group wants to shut down Risa and return to traditional values. They prove their point with a fake attack, then set off a rainstorm (Risa is normally weather-controlled)--and Worf is helping them?  His argument with Dax comes to a head, and Worf performs a monologue about losing control as a child and killing another. The fundamentalists move onto an earthquake, so Worf and Dax have to shut them down. Bashir, Dabo girl Leeta, and Quark have a B-story about ending relationships.
• Sisko, Dax, Odo, and Garak relive Terek Nor's "Things Past". They find themselves back in the Cardassian days of the station, and everyone sees them as Bajoran. But are they really there? Their bodies are found on the runabout--alive but unresponsive. Back on Terek Nor, Odo seems to be having visions. Dax is taken by Dukat as a possible concubine, while the other three are working in Quark's. Odo recognizes their Bajoran names--they were implicated in an assassination scheme (although they were innocent), and who were killed as an example. Yikes! Kurtwood Smith guests as Terek Nor's security officer (the one before Odo had the job). Turns out the whole thing is in Odo's mind, fueled by guilt about his initial response to the event, with the others' minds dragged in through technobabble and telepathy.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix.

Star Trek DS9: Moving onto Season Five

The fifth season of the show begins with...

• …the conclusion of the Klingon/Changeling cliffhanger, "Apocolypse Rising". The war has begun, so Sisko is sent on a secret mission to expose Gowron/Barney Google as a Changeling. He uses Dukat's stolen Klingon ship (from last season), while Bashir makes up Sisko, O'Brien, and Odo as Klingons (of course Worf joins them). Odo isn't dealing with his change to "solid" status well--he wants to retreat from life, but Sisko won't have it. The team sneaks into a Klingon warrior ceremony--it's like WWE in SPAACE. They've got some technobabble that can destabilize Changelings, but are caught before they can set it off. In the end, Gowron's lieutenant Martok turns out to be the Changeling, and all the Klingon warriors take him out--just like that, the war is over. It seems rushed at the end, which makes sense, because it originally was to be a two-parter.
• A crashed Jem'Hadar warship becomes quite the prize in "The Ship". It's found on a world in the Gamma Quadrant, and both our heroes and Dominion forces want it. The interior ship scenes reminds me of the Alien movies. There's a new character, Engineer Muniz, whom we are clearly supposed to emphasize with, and who obviously is injured in a battle. There's also a new Dominion member Kilana, who jumps from threatening to apologetic to romantic. They learn the bad guys want something on the ship, not the ship itself. There is dialogue throughout that would be more at home in a WW2 movie. At least Muniz gets a dramatic monologue before his death scene. The prize on the ship? A dying Changeling hiding as a bulkhead of the ship. The wrecked ship is towed back to the station.
• It's back to wackiness in the episode "Looking for Par'Mach in All the Wrong Places". Quark's ex-wife Grilka is back, and Worf is interested in her--uh-oh! He doesn't have a chance, though, since his Klingon house is dishonored. Quark wants to rekindle the romance, but doesn't know  how to woo her. Worf becomes Cyrano (with Dax's assistance), prepping Quark for his big "date". Of course, since Klingons are involved, it ends up in a duel to the death--wah-wahhh. Only Dax's technobabble saves his bacon. She also finally gets through Worf's thick skull about her feelings for him--they are now officially a couple. Meanwhile, Miles and Kira are fighting over the baby--he's being a bit too overprotective, and Kira resents it. Then they seem to become intimate--it becomes rather inappropriate. Keiko doesn't seem to have a problem with it--hmmm…
• Here's a combo we haven't seen before--Jake and Bashir in "…Nor the Battle to the Strong". Jake has a paper to write, so why not put him in danger? Well, that wasn't the plan, but a Klingon attack on an outpost forces the issue. While the doctor handles the wounded, Jake is introduced to the horrors of war. Mindy called it "Star Trek: MASH". During a trip back to the runabout, Jake panics and runs away--ending up next to a mortally wounded Federation soldier who then dies in front of him. We get a lot of internal monologues from Jake throughout the episode--he believes himself a coward. The Klingons invade the compound, and by chance becomes the "hero" through wild phaser rifle fire. Jake writes his story, and all is inexplicably well at the end.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix.

Star Trek DS9: Wrapping Up Season Four

Four down, three to go…

• Kasidy Yates (Sisko's squeeze) is smuggling "For the Cause"--that being The Maquis. We get several discussions on terrorism and some scenes in "the Badlands" (as referenced on Voyager, which was also on the air by that time). Sisko is torn between his duty and his girlfriend. In the end, Sisko follows her to the Badlands to catch her. Meanwhile, Federation security officer Eddington takes over the staton and swipes some replicators--he's a Maquis! It was all a scam to catch Sisko flat-footed, and it worked. Sisko also has the unhappy duty to send Kasidy to prison. Meanwhile, Garak starts to woo Gul Dukat's daughter--remember her? Kira's not happy about it. Finally, we get another goofy "future sport" involving handball and force fields.
• The Dominion and the Federation teaming up? Rogue Jem'Hadar attack the station, which means there's a fight "To the Death". Dominion member Weyoun (Jeffrey Combs) is introduced in this episode--we'll be seeing a lot of him. He quite the politician and wheeler-dealer. Turns out the rogue bad guys found an Ikonian gateway (a super-transported introduced in TNG), so they have to be stopped. There's a scene that looks a lot like Star Wars "Death Star exhaust port" sequence. The combined team wins the day, but the Jem'Hadar will be back…
• It's Bashir to the rescue in "The Quickening". Dax joins him on an alien world where a pandemic has been going on for 200 years, caused by the Dominion. Their civilization has regressed--a "hospital" is the place where you go to die peacefully, with a "doctor" to make death painless. They have lost hope and worship death--Bashir manages to turn the tide of hope. Unfortunately, the "EM field" from their tech just hastens the disease, and the local "doctor" steps in to "take care" of them. Regardless, Bashir decides to stay and fight the virus without tech. In the end, he's able to stop the virus in the next generation--just inoculate the pregnant women. It's cold comfort to Bashir.
• Quark's gonna die?? No suck luck in "Body Parts". He's incorrectly diagnosed, so he thinks he has an incurable disease. It's time to sell off his remains in advance of his death--it becomes complicated very quickly, and ends up like "It's a Wonderful Life". I know the Ferengis were brought on as a commentary on our current rampant commercialism, but they became comedy relief very quickly. Meanwhile, a shuttle mission goes wrong, leaving Keiko's baby in jeopardy. Bashir is forced to transfer the baby to Kira! I guess they can do that with Starfleet tech. It also allowed the show to handle Nana Visitor's actual pregnancy (with Alexander Siddig). Keiko and Miles have a big problem with this, which is surprising--we use surrogate mothers today. Why would this be an issue in the 24th century--considering the alternative was for their baby to die?
• An Odo episode finishes up the season--"Broken Link". He's got a virus causing him to lose his shape, forcing him to return to the Founders world in order to save his life. He has to be moved to the Defiant for the trip, and he insists on walking under his own power. Bashir didn't want to use a transporter, but they didn't have a cart or wheelchair handy? There's also the Klingons to worry about--they are ready to go to war. It turns out the Founders infected Odo with the virus so he would return home--and be judged for his crime (he killed another Changeling in an earlier episode). Due to his sense of justice, he agrees and returns to the "Great Link". The judgment? They make him a "solid" humanoid--albeit with the same make-up as before. Odo will have a lot of adjusting to do. Meanwhile, the Klingons decide to declare war--and Odo realizes that Klingon Chancellor Gowron (aka Barney Google) is a Changeling! Tune in next season… 

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix.

Star Trek DS9: Season Four Rolls On

Back to our favorite dysfunctional sci-fi family…

• Worf screws up the ""Rules of Engagement", and ends up in a Klingon trial for murder. It's "DS9 Law". We get testimony via flashbacks--with characters directly talking to the camera when replying to the attorney (shades of House of Cards), which is very unnerving. Sisko is, of course, the defense attorney, and a Klingon plays prosecutor. Avery Brooks over-enunciates at a Shatnerian level. At one point, Worf's son Alexander is mentioned--oh, yeah, whatever happened to him? In the end, Odo comes up with evidence that the Klingons were setting Worf up.
• O'Brien does some "Hard TIme"--or does he? Apparently, 20 years have gone by--he looks like the "IT'S" guy from Monty Python--but it's all in his mind. Alien correction technology makes you think time has passed when it hasn't. Colm Meaney really gets a chance to shine in the episode. He tells everyone he was in solitary conferment over the virtual 20 years, but that's not really the case. He had a cellmate--who Miles killed (in his mind, of course). He wants to kill himself to save the rest of the station--but Bashir talks him off the ledge.
• It's back to the "mirror" universe--but now it's a "Shattered Mirror". Mirror-Jennifer Sisko shows up and spirits Jake back to the other universe--all in order to get Sisko help them fix their Defiant. The cast plays their dopplegangers with gusto--and since he joined the cast, Worf gets in on the fun as the "Regent". Mirror-Kira is now a prisoner of the rebels (albeit with perfect makeup)--she does every villain move but twirl a mustache--and shoots shoots Mirror-Jennifer at one point. There's a whole "Han Solo" moment when Mirror-Bashir comes in to save the Miirror-Defiant in battle. In the end, Sisko sees his wife die--again.
• Lwaxana Troi is back--and she's got a Betazed bun in the oven--in "The Muse". No, Odo's not the father! Daddy is from a race where they keep the sexes separate until they are adults--and the child is a boy. She's come to Odo for help. There's a great moment when Odo asks if she would like to take a walk--Worf, stuck in a conversation, says "I would". Odo's solution involves a fake wedding--and he gives a heartfelt speech about her at the ceremony. This is Majel Barrett Roddnberry's final Trek onscreen appearance, although she would continue doing the compute voice of the computer for another decade before her death in 2008. Meanwhile, there's a weird story about an older alien woman and Jake--she seems VERY interested in Jake's writing. At one point, Jake writes on paper--how in the galaxy does he know cursive? People barely know it today. The older woman? She's a soul vampire who sucks the life out of young creative people--yes, really. Sisko saves his son in the nick of time. I think either story could have stood up on their own.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix.

Star Trek DS9: Even More of Season Four

Making progress…

• Gul Dukat is back for his "Return to Grace". He and his half-Bajoran daughter have been banished to escort duty, and now he's escorting Kira to a conference. Before she leaves, there's a wacky scene involving inoculations and nausea. The routine mission becomes an emergency after a Klingon attack. Kira and Dukat become unlikely allies and resistance fighters against the Klingons. There's a lot of banter throughout--why is every male in the quadrant in love with Kira? Improbably, Kira and Dukat--on their own--board and take over a Klingon warship, while beaming the bad guys to the smaller damaged ship. Unfortunately, the Cardassians have decided on a diplomatic solution--so Dukat decides to go rogue with his stolen ship. HIs daughter isn't ready for that kind of life, so she returns to DS9 with Kira.
• Ugh! Get ready for more monologues on honor and duty for the "Sons of Mogh". There's also some flirtation between Worf and Dax--is this sci-fi or soap opera? Worf's brother Kurn then arrives--their family has been kicked off the High Council since Worf sided with the Federation. So, Kurn wants to commit ceremonial suicide (with Worf's help). They are partly successful before Odo and Dax intercede. There's a subplot regarding Klingon cloaked mines, forcing Worg and Mogh on their own secret mission. In the end, it's clear that Kurn will not live with dishonor, so Worf takes the extraordinary step of having Kurn's memories wiped--wow!
• Is it Norma Rae or Rom? Frustrated with Quark's management policies, he decides to form a union in "Bar Association". This seems to be a wafer-thin concept to base an episode on, but with some "day in the life" B-stories, they manage to eke it out. The Bajorans are holding a one month cleanse, Bashir and O'Brien are off on another holodeck adventure, Worf is tired of all the chaos on the station, Rom has an earache… Sisko seems to have become a "bad cop" for the station with little else to do--was Avery Brooks working on other projects at the time? In the end, Rom quits the bar and gets an engineering job, while Worf moves his quarters to the Defiant. The latter reminded me of Greg Brady moving his bedroom to the attic...
• Who's the real Emissary? In "Accession", an ancient Bajoran poet (Richard Libertini) arrives to take over the job. According to Memory Alpha, the producers had to fight the studio to do another Emissary show--viewers had problems with religious-based episodes, apparently. Sisko seems quite happy about getting out of the religious icon position. Unfortunately, Bajor had a strict caste system back int he poet's time, and he wants to return to that culture. Kira's family was in an artist's caste--and she proves she's no artist. In the end, both Emissaries go ask the wormhole what to do. A quick vision later, and Sisko's back in the Emissary business. Also, Keiko (remember her?) returns after a year on Bajor--and she's pregnant. Fortunately, it's quickly established that it is Miles' baby.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix.