We’ve made it to the conclusion of Paris 2024 and the Quadrennial International Sporting Event--but first, Prime Time from last night. Tirico kicks it off with a recap of the Millionaire Cheaters winning the B-Ball tourney. Let me know when you want to begin coverage of the actual QISE, Kabletown!
They finally move on to a rerun of the Men's 10m Platform Diving final. The analyst refers to one of the competitors as "archy". So, does he prefer Betty or Veronica? A quick review of the Marathon, then Track star Rai Benjamin's medal ceremony. A good segue to today's Track and Field, starting with the Men's 800m, and a Kenya win. Men's 5000m, and a Norway win. Men's High Jump is sprinkled in throughout.
Tirico checks in on Golf, Water Polo, and Volleyball, before reporting that Jordan Chiles may NOT end up with a bronze, due to a formal challenge of the Team Gymnastics event. Of course, she only got it after her own challenge. Onto the Women's 1500m, complete with a video package for Kenya's Faith Kipyegon--who ends up as the winner. Then it's the Women's 100m Hurdles, and a win for US's Masai Russell.
The final “Event of the Night” - 4x400 Relays. The US men win, holding off Botswana, while the women take it in a walk (Jamaica dropped out during the race). Analyst Sanya Richards-Ross yells a lot--you know there’s a microphone in front of you, right? Meanwhile, New Zealand wins the jumpoff.
Tirico runs a review of the US Women’s Futbol win for gold, then the finals of Breaking--sorry, there will be no Electric Boogaloo, as LA has announced Breaking will not return. The mass audience didn’t like it, and the real fans considered it too watered down. Yet another B-Ball review, and the Millionaire Cheaters getting their medals.
Tirico then notes that US gold medalists earn $37,500 (Track wins get $50K) , while a Philippines winner gets a house, a condo, a lifetime buffet and ramen--and free colonoscopies for life. So I guess it’s OK that NBA All-Stars are on the US team? Tirico plays us out with the US Women’s Futbol medal ceremony.
Late Night--Taylor sends us to the Men’s Beach Volleyball final (zzzzzz). Sweden wins over Germany. Twanisha Terry (TT) and Melissa Jefferson, US gold medalists in the 4x100 relay, drop by for an interview. Over to Sport Climbing (a little of that goes a long way). Taylor then meets Ledecky at Versailles, and we get her greatest hits. More B-Ball review, some Taylor bits, Leslie Jones stops by to give her thoughts, and Taylor sums it all up. The traditional “long crawl” of credits is buried at the end of the night.
Onto Day 16 - Lowe sends us off to the Women’s Volleyball gold medal match, which the US loses to Italy in straight sets. Lowe is then joined by members of the winning US Women’s Futbol team (maybe to get the sour taste of the Volleyball lambasting out of America’s mouth). Finally, we get some Track Cycling, and the Points Race. There’s a huge amount of strategy, with sprints punctuating racers seeing how slowly they can go without falling over. The US win it, although I couldn’t explain how. Fareed joins Lowe, who pick out their favorite QISE moments.
Over to the Women’s B-Ball gold medal match, and a lot of fast-forwarding later, the US wins by one. This brings us to the final medal count--US and China tie with 40 golds a piece (the first time this has happened), while the US has total medals over China, 126 to 91. Team GB, France, and the Aussies complete the top five.
Moving onto the Women’s Marathon, which ran earlier today--very early, and some of the coverage is rather hazy. They later break away for a preview of LA2028--with Tirico interviewing two broadcast legends: Al Michaels and Bob Costas. Both had issues with Kabletown, but things seemed to have been smoothed over. As Tirico said--they (along with Jim McKay for us seniors) are the soundtrack to QISE. Later, Raheed does a whiparound, then interviews the US bronze winner of Breaking (really trying to fill the time here). In the end, Sifan Hassan the Netherlands gets the gold in Women’s Marathon--she also medaled in the 5K and 10K.
Kabletown then presents “Best of Paris”, a compendium of QISE’s big moments. Lyles’ fall. US Track victories. “Superman” gymnast Nedoroscik. Biles and Lee. Ledecky, Marchand, and the rest. Some stats from Kornacki. The Summer of Snoop. Rugby became a thing. So many US medalists. And (blecch) Jimmy Fallon aka “Mr. Normalizer”. Not sure if I can get through the Closing Ceremony with him. Tirico interviews LA2028 Chair Casey Wasserman, who’s all rah-rah.
And now we’ve reached the Closing Ceremonies. Fortunately, Fallon is minimized, and the team of Terry/Tara/Johnny are maximized. The theme is “rediscovery” (I thought it was “Records”). A quick rerun of the opening ceremony segues into the garden housing the Cauldron, with a French singer and choir doing their bit (there’s too much echo--or maybe lip-synching--going on). French QISE hero Marchand then walks to the Cauldron and shuts it off, taking a small lit lantern with him.
Back at the stadium, where apparently a UFO just landed, and there’s a full symphony orchestra. French President Macron and QISEOC President Thomas Bach arrive--the latter just announced he is stepping down next year. A lush version of the French national anthem, then the flags of the QISE nations arrive. Ledecky and Nick Mead of the winning US rowing team are our flagbearers, who are forced to answer questions from Tirico and Fallon onroute. Sometimes, wireless mics are a bad thing.
Then, the athletes come in--surprisingly, not all mixed up, but separated by nation. Perhaps there were security concerns. Ugh--back to Jimmy again? There’s a lot of vamping until all the athletes get in the stadium. Then, it’s “Athlete Karaoke”??? I don’t think that worked. The final event of the Games--the Women’s Marathon--gets a medal ceremony, the volunteers are recognized, and the “artistic” portion of the ceremony begins. If you thought Paris would pull back from the opening ceremony wackiness--take a seat.
It’s a tribute to Pierre de Coubertin, the man who resurrected QISE from history--now set in an dystopian future? A glowing figure--”The Voyager”--flies in to a devastated world, and--hey, it’s Masked Guy, who arrives alongside an armored figure which, I guess, represents Greece? We get a muted version of the QISE Hymn, and a huge light show. An angel, sans head (”Victory”) pops up, and a video array is generated from the stands. Not sure if this is built-in to the seats or the audience is directly involved. More figures are flown in, the QISE rings are dug up (Tara: “I feel better”), there’s a suspended piano joined by an opera singer. The rings are raised and linked.
So, de Coubertin, right? Obviously. The whole thing is a fever dream. Perhaps I should have run out to a newly opened “dispensary” to get some supplies first.
The athletes come onto the main stage as we see Paris QISE highlights--then told to get off of it, we’ve got more show! I think they were supposed to crowd AROUND the stage. That’s what happens when you keep everything a secret. French band Phoenix plays, and then a DJ from Belgium. and a girl singer. Another random music act, then a rapper and a hooded guitar player. More acts. It’s a Gallic-infused Super Bowl Halftime Show. That sound you hear is America playing with their phones.
Back to pomp and circumstance. There’s speeches, including one from Thomas Bach--probably the last during a QISE. There’s the official QISE Hymn as the large flag is lowered, before the smaller flag is handed off to Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass (with an assist by Simone Biles). Cue the Star-Spangled Banner performed by HER, which kicks off the LA2028 presentation.
Tom Cruise (yes THAT Tom Cruise) does a dive from atop the stadium onto the stage, says Hi to the athletes, hooks up the flag to a motorcycle, and rides off. He then rides the streets of Paris, launches onto a cargo plane, and free jumps into California, attaching QISE rings to the Hollywood sign. The flag moves through the city--a throng follows it to a stage on the beach where the Red Hot Chili Peppers are playing. They hand it off to Billie Eilish, and then--of course--Snoop Dogg, joined by Dr. Dre.
Marchand and the QISE flame finally arrives at the stadium (he’s been walking awhile), switching it off, while QISEOC President Bach formally closes the games, inviting the “athletes of the world” to LA in 2028.
And that’s it. The ceremony actually ran long, so I may have missed something--it’s recording again tonight in prime time, which I’ll cover and give my final thoughts tomorrow.